i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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