oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
