Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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