Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did i walk over a car last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
