is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
