It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
