The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
