I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
