batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
