There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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