As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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