I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
