$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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