What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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