apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
