Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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