Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
