Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
