I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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