It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
