My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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