He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize