if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
