I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
