make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
