well I can't set my house on fire every night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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