I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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