Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
