those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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