you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize