in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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