She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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