i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
