You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
