My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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