last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
