he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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