Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
