I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
