I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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