lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize