you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
