I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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