What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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