It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
