it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
