his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
