remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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