Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
