I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
