So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
