I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
