I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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