Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
