just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
