WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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