After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
