I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
