My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
