We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
