Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm really busy with my period
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
