Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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