my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
