I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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