Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
In America we eat man semen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
