I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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