Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
