I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
what day is it and did you see me today?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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