He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
