Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
