let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
