Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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