he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
