YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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