I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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