Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
