Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
